Have you read the previous spoof ad Film composer Wanted… ?
This is how it will sound from a Film Maker point of view…
Film maker wanted to provide epic feature film for composer. I need a full featured Lord of the Rings type movie as a background for my music. Film maker will need to be established and have lots of experience, extensive showreel, etc. Unfortunately, there is not budget so you will work for squat. However, you will get a small credit somewhere at the end of the film and the movie may be played at some small festival somewhere, someday… The experience will be good for you and you will get so much exposure that you’ll be in danger of dying from exposure! I expect competition for this project to be fierce so extra begging is appreciated. I also have a tight deadline for this – 3 days so get cracking!